I want to write a new blog as we welcome in the spring months to share my recent experiences.
Growing up I had a plan for my life that would ensure I had it all figured out.
Society tends to put that pressure on us.
Recently I have noticed myself falling back into old ways and patterns that supported this belief system I had.
I lost sight of my purpose and started building a veil of illusion based on my fears.
I noticed I no longer was expressing gratitude for what I have.
I was striving for what I did not have.
It wasn’t until I felt so emotionally charged with sadness I realized I had slipped back into old ways.
Those of us who decide to pursue the healing journey have to have so much strength and courage.
We have to face parts of us we always pushed away.
We must be willing to shed the old so we can create the new.
This has been the most challenging thing I have faced yet since I have started my healing journey following the Medical Medium protocol.
I have been worrying about worrying.
I trapped myself in this cycle.
Letting go is something I still am working on.
Surrender is not my strongest point.
There is some part of me that wants to hold on to control.
Because of the fear of what will happen if I stop controlling anything and everything.
I found myself in a state of depression and this triggered past memories for me.
I broke down.
I thought I can not go back.
Then I did a post recalling what I endured.
I thought wow!
Here I am obsessing over the little things and how my life is not all figured out.
I did not imagine I would get so sick for all these years.
Yet I have gone through so much pain and suffering in my life.
I have got over the largest of obstacles.
What is stopping me now?
I came to the realization I am my inner critic.
I have never learnt true compassion to self.
I have not been kind to myself throughout this healing journey.
I have pushed myself.
Constantly thinking why aren’t I doing more?
I lost sight of my purpose.
I lost sight of my truth.
I lost sight of my willingness to make sacrifices.
I lost sight of my determination to heal.
Truth is right now I don’t know how I am going to get through tomorrow.
But today I am going to focus on today.
I have witnessed this inner turmoil is a beautiful opportunity for me to release old ways that no longer serve me.
To release relying on my self and not trusting the universe supports me and loves me.
I recognized that this pattern I got trapped in was prohibiting me from truly healing.
And the truth is when we choose a path and commit to it there will always be sabotage sent our way to try and stop us from following our true path.
We all have a part of us that is addicted to suffering.
I AM addicted to suffering.
We must honor and embrace this because it is the only way we can truly surrender and let go.
So here it is.
I have not a clue what tomorrow or next week looks like!
For the first time in my life I am going to stop dwelling on the future and put all my energy into the present.
With the awareness every step I take each day is bringing me one day closer to perfect health.
And when we lose sight of this.
We simply need to remember our truth.
Our truth is peace.
If we are not at peace.
We are out of alignment.
So today I breathe and centre myself.
And tomorrow who knows.
What will be.